This is the last instalment of my Ibiza journey. It truly was a wonderful time made possible by Ibiza Spotlight who made sure that not only were we in a wicked hotel but we were well looked after by Dan who made sure we knew where we wanted to be, and helped us get there. This holiday with DSI is something I can look back on for the rest of my life. Hopefully when I’m an old man in a retirement home being mistreated by the staff I’ll be able to go back to these memories and the emotional abuse will just wash away… But as ever, enough of the sweet dreams of the future and on with the words.. .

I awake under the thin continental cotton of the Hotel Garbi sheets. All the alcohol I’d had the previous night had turned into a thin layer of sweat which had flambéed my red skin. It was another glorious day and I had an afternoon date. So after dressing in some appropriately Bohemian ripped to shreds denim shorts and the same old t-shirt you see me wearing in every DSI photo I was ready to meet my date, Nina.

We meet on the beach just outside Bora-Bora. We’d planned a day of activities like going to some kind of sea life centre. Of course, plans were made on the back of several pints and shots of Heirbas. We chat briefly about the feasibility of actually doing what we discussed and decide in classic holiday fashion to sack it and get pissed. Naturally I want to take the young lady somewhere classy for the purposes of getting outrageously drunk, so I immediately decide to take her back to the Hotel Garbi.

We arrive back at the Hotel and walk through the sumptuous air cooled lobby which greets you with more aplomb than a smiling hottie in swimwear. I have to mention the beautiful sofa which defines a lot of the space in this area. A massive swirling white leather morass of comfort makes a beautiful stop for those who’ve just arrived via an air trip, or those who’ve burnt out, ready to leave.

Beyond the reception there’s the large dining halls wrapped round a central bar. Large seats capable of supporting the US dollar sit regally on a bluish slate floor giving the area a feel of understated luxury. I’ve mentioned the room in the Tiesto review (DSIbiza: Part 2) – the stairs to which are over in the corner of the hall.

We make a decision to go to the outside bar on the far side of the gorgeous swimming pool which sits on the far side of the dining halls through a range of floor to ceiling windows. As we walk round the pool I don’t know where to put my eyes as there are so many girls with their tops off sunning their young, dome-like breasts akin to eggs frying in the sun. Suddenly I’m glad I’m burnt to a crisp because Nina can’t see that I’m blushing. Damn my giveaway tells.

The water looks beautiful but we’re not in the mood to swim. Alcohol and food are the order of the day. The bar at the far side of the swimming pool looks like it would be at home in any exotic location. We look for somewhere to sit and move to the far side of the bar where the view is like something out of a picture postcard without the Jack Vettriano couple dancing on the sand or the bawdy British punning holiday-makers. It’s just the right side of perfect, as the afternoon sun reaches its zenith.

We sit down for lunch and drinks. Nina tells me about herself. She’s a sign-writer working for Manumission. I ask her how she got the job. Apparently she’d bought an old Rayleigh chopper and done it up herself two years ago when she was in Ibiza. She’d left it with a friend and he claimed he’d lost it. She was so distraught over losing the bike she’d made a little poster with a phone number asking for information over the whereabouts of her bike. Someone had seen it and rather than telling her about the bike, had offered her a job. Like I said, in Ibiza, everyone just seems to fall right into it… Sometimes I wonder about what people say about Ibiza being a magical white island, full of ley-lines and mysticism. Many people say the place recharges your spiritual batteries for life. Perhaps the island has a life of its own. Maybe if Ibiza wants you to stay, you stay. Such are the stories you hear about people who’ve wound up living here; it’s never a choice, it’s like two lovers who’ve found each other across a bitter and twisted world to build their own place to hide out the storm.

Our drinks soon arrive. I’ve ordered two of my favourite cocktail, a Margherita with a salted rim. The drinks are large and like a Scottish tramp on giro day are chock full of booze, just as they should be. Shortly after this we move onto Mojitos; I’ve never tried one before because in my innocence I thought they were made with polo mints. We guzzle booze like it’s going out of fashion in an attempt to fashion a better social connection whilst we wait for our food. Nina has ordered some kind of pork escalope and I’ve ordered king-prawn kebabs, with chips of course. The food soon arrives and I’m shocked as ever at that fact that everything you eat out here really tastes. You know when you get food in the UK, and you have to pay top dollar for it even to slightly smell like it should; well that’s never a question out here. My prawns are meaty and perfectly cooked and the chips are crispy with fluff on the inside.

We finish drinking after another few rounds of cocktails. They go down faster than the economy and we get in a cycle of just on more for the road. Eventually as the evening draws in we decide to go and watch the sunset from the hills. We pay the bill for the food and drinks and I have to say I’m shocked at how reasonable it is when you consider that usually you have to have a consultation with your accountant and lawyer before making any purchases out here. The waiter, charming but unobtrusive throughout collects our money before we float off like the light breeze from the Med. A perfect, lovely day, thank you, Hotel Garbi…

If you want to book at the Hotel Garbi, and I can’t think of a better place to stay, then the ideal way to check on availability and anything else you’d like to know would be on the Hotel Garbi page on the Ibiza Spotlight website

You can catch Tiesto all summer at Privilege. You can find more details on the stunning Hotel Garbi here, and buy tickets for upcoming Tiesto gigs at privilage on Ibiza-spotlight here.